On Sunday, we looked at Jesus’ words on Marriage, Divorce and Singleness in Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:1-12. You can listen to the message HERE. Unfortunately I did not have time to get to singleness in my message. It is the last thing Jesus says in this passage and it is very puzzling.
Matthew 19v11,12
Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.
What in the world does Jesus mean about this eunuch stuff? Essentially Jesus is saying that just as some people are constitutionally unable to marry, some people are spiritually called not to marry. And the power of the kingdom of God in their life enables them not to be married.
Jesus says this in response to the disciples question. He has been talking about the essence of marriage (vv. 4-6) and divorce (vv. 6-9) and the disciples respond, If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, wouldn’t it be better not to get married at all?
Jesus says, you don't get it. The only people who can be unmarried are those who accept it as a calling from God.
Now, some people are permanently called to be single. Which means that the power of the Kingdom works in their lives so that they do not want to be married. They are not depressed by loneliness. They are not sexually burning.
Of course, many people who are single know that this is not a permanent calling for them. In that case, singleness is still a temporary calling and the only way you can endure it is if you look at it as a calling from God.
How do you do that? The Apostle Paul puts it this way...
I Corinthians 7v27
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.
Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.
Are you married? Don’t try to become single.
Are you single? Don’t be to eager to get married.
Marriage is a lot of work. Singleness can be tough. Don’t be too eager to change status.
This was shocking in that day. In ancient society there was no such thing as individual success or achievement. It was about your family becoming successful. You had to be married. You had to have children. Essentially there were no single adults except for widows and prostitutes. But Paul says that singleness, as an adult, was a perfectly acceptable way to be. This was revolutionary!
Stanley Hauwerwas says, “One of the clearest differences between Christianity and all other relgions was Christianity’s idea of singleness as a paradigm way of life for its followers.”
Church historian Rodney Stark recounts how in first century Rome, Caeser Augustus would have widows fined if they didn’t get remarried within two years because single adulthood was absolutely illegitimate. You had no significance if you did not have family. You were nothing if you did not have heirs. There was no future.
But the church took care of widows. Gave them the choice if they wanted to get remarried or not. The church, the family of God, became their significance.
So the New Testament provides the highest view of marriage the world has ever had and then says its quite alright to live your entire life without it. Why?
1 Corinthians 7v29
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who are married should live as if they were not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep.
We live in the overlap of the two ages. In Christ we have a foretaste of the new age to come. We’ve been brought into the divine community of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And we can experience that right now! The Church is designed to be a foretaste of our future love, future grace, future family.
“From the beginning we Christians have made singleness as valid a way of life as marriage. What it means to be the church is to be a group of people called out of the world, and back into the world, to embody the hope of the Kingdom of God. Children are not necessary for the growth of the Kingdom, because the church can call the stranger into her midst. That makes both singleness and marriage possible vocations. If everybody has to marry, then marriage is a terrible burden. But the church does not believe that everybody has to marry. Even so, those who do not marry are parents within the church, because the church is now the true family. The church is a family into which children are brought and received. It is only within that context that it makes sense for the church to say, ‘We are always ready to receive children. The people of God know no enemy when it comes to children’” - Stanley Hauwerwas
Therefore singleness is not inferior or superior to marriage. Jesus was a single person and He is the paradigm of true humanity - so it can’t mean to be single is to be subhuman.
Paige Benton Brown in her article “Singled Out by God for Good” puts it this way: “I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me.”
If you are single and you accept it as a calling - either permanently or temporararily - If you say, I am not going to fear or despise marriage. Nor am I going rage against my singleness. Instead I am going to use the freedom I’ve got as a single person to serve people and to serve God. I’m not going to use my singleness to indulge my desires, I am going to use it for the kingdom... If you die in that way - it will be resurrected and turned into something beautiful.
Brown puts it this way, “Let’s face it: singleness is not an inherently inferior state of affairs... But I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date... because God is so good to me.”
Singleness is not an inferior or superior calling - but it is a calling - and it can only be survived if you accept it as a calling and surround yourself with a community of believers who will love and support your calling as brothers and sisters in Christ.
"If you are single and you accept it as a calling - either permanently or temporararily - If you say, I am not going to fear or despise marriage. Nor am I going rage against my singleness. Instead I am going to use the freedom I’ve got as a single person to serve people and to serve God."
Love it. Now, to live it...
Posted by: Danielle Backus | February 10, 2012 at 01:23 AM
Well said, Pastor. I love how you balanced the idea and compared it to how we live in the here but not yet.
Posted by: Jered | February 10, 2012 at 02:51 PM