This weekend we began a conversation at Gateway. We talked about several “Gray Elephants” in the church - everything from alcohol, tattoos, music, birth control and even cosmetic surgery (You can listen to the podcast HERE).
During the service I took questions via text message, but unfortunately was only able to respond to a few. Several of the questions that came in had to do with divorce, so I thought I should deal with those here.
First of all, the Scriptures teach that marriage is a God-ordained, public covenant between a man and a woman that results in a “one flesh” relationship (Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 2:16-17; Ezekiel 16:8; Malachi 2:14). God’s design is that every marriage be faithfully permanent. God loves covenant keeping, and His strength is sufficient to enable husband and wife to be faithful. His redeeming grace gives us hope that even the most broken marriage can be restored.
However, in a broken world, marriages will fail and the church must be ready to respond with grace and truth.
Scripture allows for divorce and remarriage for either of two valid causes: sexual immorality (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9) or desertion by an unbelieving spouse (I Corinthians 7:15).
1) Sexual Immorality: Jesus said, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9; see also 5:32). The exception clause (“except for sexual immorality”) refers to adultery and probably covers all the cases of sexual sin that deserved punishment in the Old Testament.
It’s important to remember that while the New Testament allows for, it does not require divorce for sexual unfaithfulness. God’s grace encourages us to forgive and have hope that God’s transforming power can redeem even the most broken marriage. However, when there has been sexual unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage are allowed, and do not constitute adultery.
2) Desertion: One further exception is found in I Corinthians 7:15. In a marriage of a believer and an unbeliever, the believer should seek to preserve the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:13-14; 1 Peter 3:1-2). However, if the unbelieving spouse deserts, the believer, after patient prayer, may divorce and remarry.
There are many destructive behaviors that can threaten the safety of family members and jeopardize the health of a marriage. Even when sexual addiction does not include physical adultery, it is still a form of evil destructive lust (Matthew 5:27-28); the abuse of a spouse or children cannot be tolerated; and refusal to provide for one’s family (1 Timothy 5:8) is also a form of desertion.
Finally, the Bible teaches that if someone divorces without a valid cause, they are still married in God’s sight. If one of them remarries, their new sexual union is adultery against their former spouse, and the first marriage is ended. Their union forms a new marriage. The new couple should repent of adultery, receive God’s forgiveness, and seek to make their marriage faithfully permanent.
good & difficult teaching. thanks.
Posted by: steve | September 15, 2010 at 03:43 PM
I think this is really wise.
I also think that if we recognize that these unions are before our spiritual community and before God, our marriages are then born into a family of accountability. In this sense, a wedding acts much like a baptism--a public declaration of commitment and love which leads into a life of union, of oneness.
It has helped me to understand my marriage in this sense and not in terms of a government document that obtain through a courthouse.
That part is just nice for my taxes.
(also, I'm glad you are listening to Mumford & Sons)
Posted by: Steve | September 15, 2010 at 06:59 PM